Smoking a turtle among week’s highlights
So, here are some highlights of my life from recent days.
Try to stay awake now.
I went for a jog back a rural road that leads me to the location of my horse Coffee, who is never entirely happy to see me – unless, of course, I am holding two fistfuls of hay and shaking a pan of grain.
This time when I get there, I discover she has managed to remove her halter, a “stall” tactic (no pun intended) so it would take longer for me to round her up and ride her.
But getting to the barn was half the fun, because I am taking a jog there on this particular occasion, enjoying the long-awaited warmth of the outdoors on this spectacular May day and the fact that I can just be out there doing that in the first place.
I am passing up the usual things I observe on such outings – nature, trees, wild flowers and, regrettably, roadkill, the latter of which makes me a little sad since I am appreciative of critters and feel remorse even when the elimination of a stink bug seems justified.
Along?the road I make my way, staying the course, when, lo and behold, there up ahead is a turtle.
This is another sighting of nature that makes me not only happy, but it makes me start to chuckle some, too, because I eventually passed up the turtle, and I’m a turtle myself when it comes to pace.
After all, I jog at the speed of Janice.
I thought that was so amusing I had to share the story with co-workers the next day, one of whom wondered if it had the outcome of “The Tortoise and the Hare” children’s tale.
Did I, for example, stop for lemonade, confident I would beat the turtle to the barn.
Or would I arrive at the barn only to find the turtle being interviewed by ESPN upon its “victory” over me.
I assured him that the turtle didn’t get to the barn first, but it was pretty darn close.
I realized how low maintenance I am when Mother’s Day came and went, and I wanted not a fancy dinner at a fancy restaurant.
All I wanted to eat was what I was craving all day – a Whopper with cheese and hold the onions so I don’t need an Alka Seltzer later.
Life is grand when simple requests are honored, and your stomach can do the happy dance because of it.
I was under strict orders when I went to my church’s rummage sale last weekend.
Don’t buy anything, Better Half kindly cautioned me on the outing to which he accompanied me, I think for monitoring purposes.
We’ve been downsizing and doing away with things in earnest, so the rationalizing went.
He was right, I hate to admit, so I compromised and bought some fudge, the added weight of which will probably give the turtle an edge.
(Kiaski, a resident of Richmond, is a staff columnist and features writer for the Herald-Star and The Weirton Daily Times and community editor for the Herald-Star. She can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.)