Halloween outfit: Bacon or frugal wife?

So I’ve decided to be a strip of bacon for Halloween.

I made up my mind the moment I saw the outfit and started to think of the accessorizing possibilities, all this for our church’s annual Trunk or Treat.

If you’re not familiar with the concept, picture that it’s Halloween, and in addition to kids going trick-or-treating in neighborhoods in a community or wherever, they come to a church parking lot where church members have decorated themselves and the trunks of their cars.

Trunk-or-treating is a version of trick-or-treating, but in addition to going door to door to get candy, the kids go from trunk to trunk in a parking lot and get candy, too.

The moment I laid eyes on the bacon outfit — basically a black bodysuit with what looks like a strip of bacon running up the full front of it with room for your head to stick out  almost at the top — I thought, yes, this is me. Bacon. Not turkey bacon. Not low sodium bacon. Bacon, bacon. The real stuff.

I’m thinking I’m ready to “sizzle” in this and accessorize it with all the breakfast trimmings I can create.

After all, breakfast is my favorite meal.

I was so excited to show Better Half the outfit the last time we were in the store where I had first spotted it and contemplated all the ways I could decorate myself and the trunk of my car.

Oink, oink, I thought with great glee.

But Better Half did not share my enthusiasm.

Surprise, surprise.

He looked at the outfit and frowned.

Then he looked at the price tag and really frowned.

“$19.99??!!” he said, mouthing the price out loud as if it were an amount running akin to the national debt.

I sighed, one of those really, really loud sighs wives make when their husbands don’t have the same sense of carrying out unnecessary acts of consumerism.

If I were an inflated balloon, Better Half is the pin in my midst, ready to put an end to all that helium happiness I exude.

“Well,” I said with some drama to show for my disappointment. “I can’t very well go as a clown, now can I!” I said pouting, knowing it’s not a good year to be that circus staple.

“I really want to be a strip of bacon,” I reaffirmed my costume desire.

“Maybe you could go as a frugal wife,” Better Half brightened at the sarcastic suggestion. “Or wear an old outfit,” he offered.

I told Better Half this is my Halloween to be an inanimate object.

He looked at me as if I were a very troubled person indeed, someone with whom he regrettably has to live under the same roof.

Wear an old Halloween outfit? Last year I was a dog in a borrowed canine outfit that delighted some kids and terrified others.

The previous year I was in a blow-up horse and rider outfit — an outfit I loved and got a lot of mileage out of beyond Halloween.

But like special dresses for special events, a girl can’t wear the same Halloween outfit twice, for pity sake.

So, I’ll hop in the frying pan and take the heat for buying the bacon outfit this year.

And maybe next year I can be the frugal wife … if the price is right.

(Kiaski, a resident of Richmond, is a staff columnist and features writer for the Herald-Star and The Weirton Daily Times and community editor for the Herald-Star. She can be contacted at jkiaski@heraldstaronline.com.)

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