Guess what you haven’t done in a while

“You know what you haven’t done for a while?” Better Half asked me the other evening.

Sometimes questions between spouses can be tricky points of conversation.

Understand that what you say and what you really mean often are two completely different things.

I might tell Better Half, for example, that “I’m going to do a couple things,” which sounds potentially productive, but what I really mean is (1) “I’m going to go lay down” and (2) “I’m going to close my eyes.”

Those are the “couple things” that Miss Overachiever here has on her immediate agenda.

I thought this “You know what you haven’t done for a while?” might be one of those trick questions, so I played along.

“Take money out of your wallet?” (I do this occasionally, but it’s no secret, given I leave the wallet open and don’t try to hide the fact.)

Better Half gave me one of those sarcastic that’s-very-funny looks, which I get from time to time in my household.

“Cook?” I gave it another try, but that didn’t really count, considering I’d made pork chops and macaroni and cheese the day before, even though no one banged their forks on the table and burst into a group cheer-chant for me to “make it again, make it again, tomorrow, tomorrow!!!”

“Sneak in a new purchase?” (I do this occasionally, too, until there’s a better time for a formal announcement of any new and unnecessary acquisitions.)

That prompted a questioning look, this one wondering if maybe I had.

“I give up,” I surrendered.

“Make me a honey-do list,” Better Half said of an observation he admitted had just occurred to him midway through enjoying his evening ice cream cone.

Wow. I wasn’t expecting that one.

“Are you complaining?” I asked, realizing I had abandoned the practice of leaving a “little” list of things to do to make him miserable in my absence.

“No,” he said. “I thought maybe you were sick or something.”

My turn for a sarcastic that’s-very-funny look.

I rattled off a number of excuses for the lack of them lately.

Too much work making a list. Too disappointing. Too “discussion” provoking.

And besides, we’ve been very busy this January, I reminded him, as we’re committed to elevating couch potatoism to a whole new art form.

We’ve been engrossed in binge-watching older TV series we never saw the first time around, watching episode after episode after episode until we’re body numb to sitting as much as we are mind-numb to reality.

So goes the first month of a new year, its first few days so ripe with possibilities and yet they somehow digress into a routine of prepare popcorn, park on couch, point remote control.

True, not much productivity around these parts right now.

But we’ve got 11 other months for that.

(Kiaski, a resident of Richmond, is a staff columnist and community editor for the Herald-Star and The Weirton Daily Times. She can be contacted at jkiaski@heraldstaronline.com.)

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