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The cry of my head: Free the hairstylists

Not long ago I wrote a column about how much I enjoy going to get my hair done, how much I appreciate those periodic appointments with my hair girl because it’s not just a time to get a new do, it’s a lot of laughs, a lot of fun.

Little did I know then at my last visit — which now seems as if it were three calendar years ago, when the world was relatively normal and I was feeling much more like a reasonably sane person than I am now — that I wouldn’t be seeing her again any time soon, thanks to the coronavirus pandemic and the state of Ohio deciding a hair salon is a nonessential business.

Excuse me?

Nonessential?

Help, I’m sheltered in place, and I can’t get a haircut!

My head is shaggy.

My roots are showing, and I don’t mean my hometown.

And if my sideburns get any shaggier and thicker, there will be some legitimacy to those claims of Elvis sightings, thank you, thank you, thank you very much.

Well, these are desperado hair days to be sure because of shuttered salons and stylists temporarily out of commission.

I can only imagine how we all will be clamoring for cuts once these restrictions are lifted.

Until then, desperation can lead to drastic decisions.

I’ve considered several options:

Option No. 1.

Wear a hat.

Well, maybe that’s not terribly drastic. Regrettably, I am not a hat person and look ridiculous with one on but have always envied girls who can pull the hat thing off, looking just as good with a hat on their head as they do with a new hairdo.

Option No. 2.

Kidnap Kelly, my hair girl.

I know I could get a lot of help here from all of her customer base eager to benefit from our resident Edward Scissorhands. We could all practice social distancing, and if she needs arm extensions to stay 6 feet away, so be it.

Option No. 3.

Let Better Half cut my hair again.

As a barber college graduate and former barber for all of three months, Better Half used to cut my hair when it was super short and on the spiky side. This was back in the day when our children were little munchkins, and I would want a haircut all of a sudden after salon hours.

The arrangement was OK at the time … until he took a little too much off the top.

Option No. 4.

Color my own hair.

This has never been a good idea and has never had a good outcome.

The color on the box never, ever looks like the color on your head.

Option No. 5.

Be patient and pray.

Lord, lift the ban on nonessential businesses being closed.

Free the stylists.

And let the cutting and highlighting begin.

(Kiaski, a resident of Richmond, is a staff columnist and community editor for the Herald-Star and The Weirton Daily Times. She can be contacted atjkiaski@heraldstaronline.com.)

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