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Burgergate is Michelle's issue, not Barack's

June 13, 2014 - Paul Giannamore
The President of the United States is a human being and if he wants a hamburger, he should have a hamburger. Period. Unfortunately, when the president’s wife is making a big deal out of being sure every kid eats cardboard spaghetti and fruit for their school lunch, the burger becomes something political.

Kind of reeks, not of fast-food grease, but of privileged class stuff. You know. Mr. President and his pallies get burgers while the nation is being told to graze on alfalfa and Wheaties pasta.

But, doggone it. Is it really a political thing? I don’t think so.

For instance, today, I really, really want a gyro from the Holy Trinity Grecian Food Festival, and its kind of outside the realm of the whole yogurt-and-granola lunch I should be eating, especially since the folks at the gym could read this, or worse, spot me with a gyro or smell it on my breath.

But doggone it. It ‘s a once-a-year occurrence, and those folks down at the Greek church can cook. So, gyro I will. And probably suffer slings and arrows later. At least in my head.

But when the president goes out for a burger with a health-crazy wife back at the White House, it could be used as another bit of anti-Obama fodder. I’m frankly surprised that I haven’t heard that, but then, I’ve scrupulously avoided watching their the lefty CNN or the righty Fox this week.

Obama and Education Secretary Arne Duncan went down to Alexandria for a burger for lunch earlier this week. Good for them.

Umm, but the Secretary of Education is involved in schools, which is where Mrs. Obama is pushing for fewer burgers and pizzas and more fruity, nutty, grainy selections. Which, by the way, are going uneaten, according to a few stories I’ve seen from school cooks across the nation. Kids want a burger.

But they’re not the president. The president is the president. And he gets a burger if he doggone well wants one. And even if the GOP doesn’t make ground meat out of this issue, the president surely still has to face Mrs. Obama back at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. The conversation could go something like this:

Michelle Obama: Barack! I smell onions and pickles. And grease! Where have you been?

President Obama: I-I-I have been out with Arne Duncan.

Michelle Obama: Arne! Did you and he publicly go eat a burger somewhere?

President Obama: Well, well, I could, I could say no, but that would not stand long when the AP and Fox and CNN are following me everywhere. I cannot tell a lie. Hah. We didn’t get cheese.

Michelle Obama: Barack! Like you and Joe did a couple weeks ago? I thought then that we had this conversation and I put burgers off your list. You want to go meet the people, go to a vegan place.

President Obama: Well, it’s that darned whole-grain pasta thing. Did you have to get the cooks to start feeding me that stuff? Leaves me empty. And it tastes like imported fiberboard. And I can’t have imported fiberboard on my hands, because the unions will go nuts.

Michelle Obama: How am I supposed to get people to feed their children healthier alternatives and convince the school cooks they should and can do a better job when my own husband goes out for a cheeseburger —

President Obama: We, we didn’t get cheese —

Michelle Obama: — And takes the education secretary with him? Barack!

President Obama: It was Arne’s idea. I just had to supply the car and the Secret Service detail.

Michelle Obama: And you’d better hit the gym right now.

President Obama: Well, I would, but I’ve got this whole Iraq thing boiling, like a pot of bad whole wheat pasta. See you later. Going to the Oval…

Michelle Obama: We’re not done with this!

President Obama: We never are

Got to feel for the guy. He just wants a burger.


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