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When you share vacation stories, it's an apples-and-oranges kind of comparison.
This occurred to me yet again during a recent conversation with one of my sisters with whom anticipated over-the-phone what's-new updates are met with a standing response from Better Half.
When he knows I'm about to call "Chatty Cathy," as we lovingly refer to her, he always says, "Welp, there goes half a day."
Actually, this particular catch-up conversation was on the briefer side, clocking in at a mere 2 hours, 45 minutes and 51 seconds. My phone conveniently keeps track of that.
And as a side note here, Better Half's other standing response to these phone sessions brings the same incredulous how-can-that-be reaction when he asks, "So what did you guys talk about all that time?"
My standing response is, "Oh, I don't know -- nothing really."
Nothing really??!!
What??!!
Hey, nothing-really talk can be very time-consuming.
But back to vacation tales and fruit.
We hadn't talked in a couple of weeks, which is an eternity for me and my sister, an endless tunnel of no news, no information, diddly-squat.
We had a lot to catch up on.
So she told me all about her away-from-home vacation. Time at the beach where the water was warm, the weather wonderful, the sand white as powdered sugar, the sunrises and sunsets gorgeous, the food and company delightful.
Sounds pretty boring, huh?
What's that song by MC Hammer? "Can't Touch This?"
My turn.
I told her about my stay-cation, taken in light of the homebody-wired kind of person that I am.
Highlights included a conversation with a talking raccoon, or so it seemed during this dream I was having. I swore it was really happening, that we were facing each other in a flower bed out back, and the more we talked, the more I realized I needed to tell someone what was happening here. This was headline news, after all.
"Community editor and raccoon bond in sister's absence."
Nope. Fake news. But laugh-worthy at least.
I don't feel pressure to invent vacation activity to impress people, certainly not my sister.
I have piddling around down to a science, not to mention snacking on food with absolutely no nutritional value whatsoever. Give me a loaf of bread and that sweet peanut butter spread from Amish country, and I'm happy.
I can enjoy doing nothing at all or facing whatever the day brings minus the usual work schedule.
Only the bat that ended up in the house was pretty creepy, and that was no dream.
When it's late and you've just drifted off to sweet slumber on the couch, it's pretty alarming to be awakened by your spouse, telling you he's pretty sure a bat or two is loose in the house.
And it's even more alarming when that sort of news is confirmed.
Long story short, we were like a Three Stooges episode getting rid of a bat.
But all is well.
Life did return to normal.
The bat found freedom.
I returned to work.
And the talking raccoon?
He must have taken a vacation.
(Kiaski, a resident of Richmond, is a staff columnist and community editor for the Herald-Star and The Weirton Daily Times. She can be contacted at jkiaski@heraldstaronline.com.)