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"Light meat tuna appetizer with a scallop topper in a delicate broth."
You might be inclined to think that was a recipe I had glanced at and given thought to actually making for my grown children as part of an I-appreciate-you meal.
Or maybe it was part of a special dinner I'd whip up some day for an anniversary occasion or something with Better Half being the beneficiary, victim or guinea pig of my stove-top suffering, whichever would be applicable. Possibly all three.
The real story?
It was the wording on the front packaging of a Fancy Feast appetizers cat food product that I had spotted in an aisle at a local dollar store.
At first, I read that food description in silence several times, thinking, wow, this is cat food? and then I read it out loud just because it struck me so odd, so funny in so many ways.
"… in a delicate broth."
Great Earth, I could have written that! I can make something out of nothing, too!
I couldn't help but laugh, figuring, what the heck, other shoppers will probably just write me off as a crazy cat lady or somebody just happy to find a bargain or a snack or both.
These are tough times, you know, when it comes to finding just the right cat food if you have a meow machine in your household, considering the feline food supply is compromised -- for whatever reason why the shelves seem to be void of what I'm usually looking for.
I actually panic when I think I have to go home and come face-to-face with Herald the Cat and confess, "I'm so sorry, Miss Kitty, but the store didn't have what you like. I'll try those 12 other stores tomorrow -- I promise, precious!! Honest!!"
Then again, maybe the "light meat tuna appetizer with a scallop topper in a delicate broth" will buy be back some cat respect and love.
I scooped up what I could find, figuring I'd take my chances.
But on that eve, eve, eve of Mother's Day when I was in hot pursuit of cold cat food, and on my way to the checkout, I had yet again one of those I'm-an-awful-mother moments.
I tend to have those a bit, especially when I'm cuddling with a cat or hugging Thunder and Tucker, a couple of horses who truly are living the good life (translated, I'm not fixing their food but I'm feeding them.)
Am I a more attentive animal mother than human mother when it comes to chow time?
Probably. My children are loving and forgiving, luckily for me. They understand, for example, that I love the color schemes and kitchen products pushed by the Pioneer Woman, but they know better than to buy me one of her decorative little 52-week meal planners as a Mother's Day gift.
I'd turn that into scratch and doodle paper right quick!
My son Adam is a man of great faith, though, who calls after work each day to ask the unthinkable -- "Any dinner today, mom?"
"You just ate yesterday, didn't you?" I challenge the inquiry from one so sweet and kind when he asks me this.
But it doesn't stop the long pause on my part, then a deep inhale, followed by an extended exhale, my intention that the practice inspires a supper solution from the caller.
I offer the usual stop-the-stomach-growling options -- toasted cheese sandwich, soup, popcorn. Tell me when to stop.
Or else we'll be having a "light meat tuna appetizer with a scallop topper in a delicate broth."
Happy Mother's Day.
(Kiaski, a resident of Richmond, is a staff columnist and community editor for the Herald-Star and The Weirton Daily Times. She can be contacted at jkiaski@heraldstaronline.com.)