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I ordered pizza the other day and quietly cried as I discarded the pepperoni into the trash.
It had been a very long time since I had to throw away my unwanted food.
For those two adorable faces were no longer there ... waiting impatiently by my side for those few ringlets of meat.
I miss my dogs.
I realize there isn't anyone out there who wants to hear yet another column about how Julie misses her pets.
I really do apologize.
However, it is my job to write a weekly column that pertains to matters which I know.
And what I know is that it is unbearably hard to live without them.
Each and every day.
I haven't gotten over that loss.
Not just yet, anyways.
The house is far too quiet.
The days, far too lonely.
They were my best friends.
And the friend you have in a dog is always more special than the friend you have with another human.
Just ask someone who owns a dog.
I would happily take another excruciatingly painful fall where one of them had a middle-of-the-night accident if it meant having them back.
I would suffer that broken arm and stitches over and over again.
The pain would be worth it. Because a broken arm is far less painful than a broken heart.
There is always something gnawing at me. Telling me to go and get another dog.
Well, perhaps I should say dogs. I mean, every animal should have a friend, shouldn't they?
Human friends just aren't the same, I'm sure.
I would absolutely love to get a brown Labradoodle puppy and name him Waffles.
He would sleep with me in my bed.
We would go on little runs throughout town.
I would share my meals with him.
I would again have a special little addition to my world.
But Waffles wouldn't be Shayley.
Nor would Waffles be my Mia.
I can understand why some people rush out and get another pet.
There is that need within us to stop the heartache.
To replace the love which was lost.
But losing someone who was an intricate part of your family is something which can never be replaced.
I can not in good conscious go out and get another dog.
Not just yet, anyway.
I would more-than-likely end up comparing him to the ones no longer here.
And that is unfair.
To me and to him.
I say "him" because I honestly do not want to own another female dog.
She couldn't possibly be as great as my beautiful girls. Could she?
We will see. One day.
But at the mention of my wanting a puppy, I remember my mom telling me that I shouldn't.
Not just yet, anyway.
She would gladly accept whatever decision I make. She always has. For that, I thank her.
But her explanation focused on the fact that when you own an animal, you are missing out on a freedom.
Something non-pet owners have.
And that is an opportunity to go somewhere without having to rush home.
Worrying about their being fed.
Having to take them outside.
Worrying if they are in the garbage or chewing up the furniture.
Simply being present to offer them companionship so they won't be lonely.
She exclaimed that if I owned a dog there wouldn't be the chance to go on vacation. To spend a night away from home.
She knows based on her personal experience.
My dogs have been gone a little more than three months.
Since then, I have been to Steubenville. Work. That is all.
I am almost 53 years old.
In those 53 years (52 and three-quarters,) I have been somewhere once.
Once.
And that was my youngest son's graduation from basic training in the Air Force.
Indeed, I drove in a car with three teenagers to Texas.
It was not a good time.
If I were to think back as far as I can remember, adding up all of the days in which I didn't cry about something, the sum would perhaps total one month's time.
There are only so many good days. That, of course, is no one's fault but my own.
But despite all of my sadness, for some illogical reason, a dog always, always makes life better.
And to not have one ... that hurts, too.
I suppose my point is that I have no desire to live a life without a dog being a major part of it.
And I know that my Waffles is out there somewhere.
Hopefully he will have a brother.
Or a sister.
Because I can't give up that hope.
Not just yet, anyways.
(Stenger is the community editor of the Herald-Star and The Weirton Daily Times)